on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
