I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This is my gift to your gina
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
