I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
