Midget sex pt 2 tonight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
