he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
