my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
