We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
