did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
