i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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