i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
