Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
