He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
