If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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