Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
