I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
God, I missed his penis.
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