apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
