did you get engaged???
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
