Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
