I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
