Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
