Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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