he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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