Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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