I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
