wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
