dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
did you just send me my own nude
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
