ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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