I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He felt like a one man threesome
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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