there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
