What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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