i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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