Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
