i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
