I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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