This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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