Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
