he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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