I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
