I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
