Me too!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
