Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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