I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
