Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
