Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
