I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
