I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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