woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
