i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
