I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
please come you make the beer taste better
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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