I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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