Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
