either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We are all done wearing pants today
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
