How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im holly from the hills drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
