she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
