he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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