Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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