the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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