I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
