I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
