Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
