I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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