If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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