Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
