GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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