My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
