i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
