dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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