she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Actions speak louder than pants.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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